What Life Has Taught Me…
2022 has been a year when I have looked back more than I feel comfortable with. I used to look back too much when I first embarked on an empty nest. It was counter productive, in fact in many ways destructive and I needed to stop. Looking back is fine in moderation, as is looking forward. What is key is being in the moment.
However, the year has brought 3 monumental things to my door. Firstly and by far the most painful, the death of my beautiful, kind and loving mother. Munchkin as I affectionately called her. She read my blogs religiously, and I think would approve of what I am going to say in this one.
The second occasion was saying goodbye to the beloved, loyal and gorgeous dog that was Minty. Insta famous and my first and only dog. We still called her a puppy even though she made it to 13 years and 9 months.
Finally the third, the passing of our wonderful Queen, who bore the responsibility of being our Monarch with such dignity and integrity. As the world changed around us, she remained a constant. She represented duty, courage, fun, warmth and compassion. It was a once in a lifetime, (all of mine to date), experience to have lived under her reign. Although many of us will never have met her Majesty, there are waves of sadness across the land, and we will be experiencing feelings of personal loss. Each of us will navigate this news differently and we must be patient with each other. Do not judge what others are feeling, or how they are acting.
So inevitably there is a lot of looking back personally for me this year. You cling to the times that were, as you pour over old photographs in albums or on your phone, and of course the ones held as precious memories in your head. Click click moments.
A photo of Minty flashing up on my phone is enough to set me off into a fit of tears and sadness. We are only three weeks without her. Sadness that she will never run across the lawn to greet me again, or patrol the garden in her important role of guarding us all. Sadness that I will never tuck her into bed, or be welcomed home from the supermarket as though I’ve been gone for months.
Unconditional love, from Minty, from my Mother, from her Majesty.
So here’s the thing, life is short, we get one shot at it and there are things that I have learned along the way that I would like to share with you for a life to be well lived.
This advice was initially directed at those who are younger than me (a lot of you), but I then considered that at every stage we are younger or older than someone and some of this is relevant at any age. Take from it what you will.
They say youth is wasted on the young, this could be said of any stage in life. Being mobile, able to travel, active sporting life. Once no longer there, it’s the same thing.
But to those of you smooth skinned youthful ones out there. Enjoy the beauty and power of being young. You will one day look back to see you have changed. You will see yourself in a photograph and wonder where the years went. I sometimes capture my reflection in a mirror and wonder who is staring back at me.
Appreciate your body and all that it is capable of and celebrate it. Be kind to your body too as you will need it in the future. Be kind to your knees and hips, they can only be replaced so many times and you will miss them when there are gone. Don’t worry about what you think other people might think - wear a bikini, dance as though no one is watching. Don’t get caught up scrolling through social media or flicking through magazines, remember a lot of filters went into those shots. It will only make you feel inadequate, and you need to know you are beautiful and perfect as you are.
In the same way don’t presume everyone is living an amazing holiday/party laced life, they are only posting their best days, and are probably surrounded by dirty pots or piles of ironing as they post. Remember nothing is as it seems.
Don’t sweat the small stuff. Don’t look for worries unnecessarily, as I promise you they have a habit of finding you. Mine normally fine me in the early hours. It’s wasted energy and achieves nothing.
Don’t take your stress out on the ones you love. Let it out, but don’t take it out.
Push yourself outside your comfort zone, you are more likely to regret not doing something that to regret doing it.
Be kind to others and don’t tolerate or make room for those who aren’t kind to you. Fill your life with radiators not drains. Be the candle or the mirror that reflects it. Your own happiness and positivity will be contagious and you will benefit from it first.
Don’t waste time on jealousy, pay others compliments and mean it. Don’t dwell on insults, move on. It’s not your problem it’s theirs.
Surround yourself with people who make you feel good about yourself. Some friendships won’t last the course, they were there for a particular time of your life. Work hard to hold onto those old friendships. Find a way to bridge the gaps in geography and lifestyle. The people you knew when you were young will most likely sustain you as you get older with your shared memories and knowledge of each other.
Spend time with the ones you love, you never know when they will be gone. Always sign off a message, note or conversation with affection. Never leave someone on a disagreement. Work it out, you will have a long time to think about it if they go.
Don’t carry too much baggage with you into your life. Get rid of old bank statements but treasure the good stuff, love letters, cards from friends.
Accept that life can be tough, don’t lie down and admit defeat, good things are worth fighting for. It’s not how we go down but how we get up that counts.
Work and rest should be used in equal measure, both are important, don’t forget either’s existence.
Respect your elders as you would wish to be respected yourself. Listen and accept advice, choose how or if you will use it. You may one day be the one being asked.
Finally live a full life, filled with kindness, happiness and love. Live each day as though it could be your last. Follow these ideals and it should set you up with a pretty useful handbook for the future.
With love
Tina x